Did not give today’s exam and “liberated” is a very subtle way of putting how I feel right now. So this is it. This finally means I am quitting CA. Coming all the way but not giving the exam feels a bit odd. But I am trading it for an emotional closure. For a much needed emotional closure. Sometimes you don’t do certain things just because they are the logical thing to do. I think I know myself psychologically, especially now, pretty well.
And if I did give the exam I’d have still stuck on CA. Somewhere in my head I’d still wait for the result scheduled two months from now.
Honestly, I needed a QUIT sign. A no going back situation. Otherwise unintentionally the wait for the results would have hampered my efforts for seeking an alternative future.
I feel relieved. And free. Free from all the suffocation this course had been causing me.
I want to wake up a new person tomorrow. Someone who is not carrying an emotional baggage from the past. Someone who doesn’t focus on failures. Someone who is emotionally bang on strong.
I am getting there eventually. And I feel stronger by the second.
It ofcourse has been a shock to my mother. Even though I had expressed my desire to quit vocally, she somehow hoped I wouldn’t. And now with the exams skipped the reality of my decision is finally sinking in. She will get there. Gradually. But for the best.