Leave from work officially begins today. One whole month of leave from work to study for exams. Which honestly I have no intention of doing. But I have some self set goals for these 30 days.
Didnot draw today. Didnot read today.
Hence finally came the day which I feared. The day where the thinking-part kicks in.
I knew the day I wouldnt constantly engage myself in some activity, this would happen.
So now I am thinking about myself, about my future and constantly torturing myself with the live footage of worst scenarios. It’s weird how my mind is actually blank. There is a difference between i-say-it-is-blank and actually blank. ISIIB means when I tell people I haven’t thought of anything but back in my mind there is a plan and I fear people might think it is stupid so I dont confess.
But actually blank is where I myself have no clue what should be done.
And this is the worst part of the whole day. You have gone through the entire day being perfectly normal and now all you want is to sleep. But no. Your brain has different plans for you. It wants to host a kitty party of all your future plans and scenarios in your HEAD RIGHT NOW.
My idea of a perfect vacation is when there are absolutely no plans as to what I’d do when I get to my desired destination. Just deciding on a place to live and then setting out to explore the city. Long meaningless walks with a friend with no destination whatsoever and absolutely no idea as to where we are are headed. Getting pictures as souvenirs. But not the fake smiles and typical poses pictures. Pictures that speak of our journey. Of our feelings. Of our adventure. I’d also like to shop but I’d stay away from malls. I’d set out in their busiest street market and shop to my heart’s content bargaining with all my talent. The perfect vacation would be knowing people who live there. And getting accustomed to the culture that is way different than our. The perfect vacation would be where I learn something new everyday and I bring back memories and not just fragments of tipsy nights at discotheques.
I don’t even know why I am fretting over stupid work issues.
NEED TO START WORKING OUT AAAAAAAAAAARGH TURNING INTO A FAT COW.